You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
