I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
