I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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