i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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