After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
