I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
