And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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