Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
