Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
