but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
