God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
