I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
