the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
