dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
