they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
