I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
