we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We need to get me chipped asap
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