Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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