It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
