I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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