We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
