Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
