I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
