I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
