I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
