Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
