At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i've created a new STD.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
