so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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