"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
