I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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