just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
