you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
