I hate your face
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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