Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
