What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
