It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
