do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
