Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
