I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
