apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
