Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
