My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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