I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
