singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
