I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
