So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i believe in u and ur pee
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
