The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
