I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
