So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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