Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
